Never Say Never

omg_its_tori @ 2006-08-23T14:20:00

2006-08-23T21:21:19Z

New livejournal.

Go.

styg_tori

omg_its_tori @ 2006-08-17T10:44:00

2006-08-17T17:46:47Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RISSY

hahahah :D

omg_its_tori @ 2006-08-10T20:04:00

2006-08-11T03:09:27Z

I feel depressed. But not the usual Tori-Depression like upset and sad and mopey all day long. It's like on the outside I feel fine I guess, just kind of content, but on the inside I hurt, literally. I feel like there's so much going on in my head and I don't know how to organize it all. It seems like stress too, but then I just get really down on myself inside. It's not a very good feeling and I want it to go away.
It's probably because of leaving Georgia. It hurts, it really does. I never knew I could like a boy this much.
On top of that, school is starting, and that's even more depressing.

I don't want to be sad anymore.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-08-05T10:56:00

2006-08-05T18:07:25Z

then we went for a walk and yeah, a huge rain storm decided to take place...

omg_its_tori @ 2006-07-25T09:35:00

2006-07-25T16:36:40Z

Leaving for Thousand Oaks today, spending the night,
and then waking up at 4 am to catch my 7:30 flight
to Atlanta.

I could not sleep last night because I am
that excited. It's weird how I get all giddy like a little
girl going to the zoo for the first time or something like that.

I still get butterflies when I see him. :]

omg_its_tori @ 2006-07-20T08:28:00

2006-07-20T15:30:16Z

Leaving for San Diego soon for a basketball tournament...
Then coming home on Sunday...
Then doing laundry yet again and packing YET AGAIN,
after that is accomplished in two days I will be driving to Thousand Oaks on Tuesday,
and after spending the night on Wednesday I will get up early and fly out to Atlanta to spend a week with Austin :]

I've been living out of a suitcase for 3/4 of my summer,
and I love it.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-07-17T13:49:00

2006-07-17T20:50:51Z

If I get to go to Atlanta next Tuesday I will be happier than ever.

you love it

omg_its_tori @ 2006-07-09T11:57:00

2006-07-09T19:15:50Z

"We're All In This Together"

I'M 17!

2006-07-05T21:57:23Z

My 17th Birthday was on July 3rd, and it was way better than yours.
So get out.

Dinner at Cho Cho San

Uncle, Auntie, Mermy, Brudda, Yiddo Cousin, BIRTHDAY GIRL, Cousin, Baby Hailey Rae!

My sick jap birthday outfit.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-06-29T17:44:00

2006-06-30T00:46:50Z

she said some days I feel like shit
some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
and I find myself trying to stay by the phone
cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
but I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
and when I pick up I don't have much to say, so...

omg_its_tori @ 2006-06-24T16:05:00

2006-06-24T23:07:20Z

i cried so hard when i took him to the airport but i don't even know why. it's not like i won't see him in a month, sheesh. i guess it's just hard. i don't really think i spent as much time with him as i wanted to, but going back to georgia will be fun and i can't wait.

p.s. coldstones boy, i do not look familiar. you are denied.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-06-17T10:13:00

2006-06-17T17:15:33Z

omg_its_tori @ 2006-06-13T15:55:00

2006-06-13T22:57:08Z

I really don't know what I'm doing with myself
I don't know if I'm right
I don't really know if I like the person I am anymore
yesterday was a day of thinking and crying
don't ask me why cause I just don't know
just thinking and crying

I've learned I'm not as strong and I claim to be
I guess I'm really insecure
I guess I don't give people a chance
I've learned I'm kinda unapproachable
I wish I was more lively maybe, outgoing
I've come to know that I am a ridiculously jealous person
I've learned that I crave for attention
I think what I dislike in people is really what I am
I realized I hide a lot of my feelings pretty damn well
I'm not the person I thought I was I guess

omg_its_tori @ 2006-06-10T13:55:00

2006-06-10T20:57:02Z

So my brother and his little friends have been boxing in one of the guys' backyards, so I thought I'd share this. My brother is one of the biggest kids there. His little nickname: "Bomb Squad". He's wearing the bball shorts with the white design thingy on the side. Please enjoy him gettin' gnarly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp5Q0B8l61A

omg_its_tori @ 2006-06-01T18:32:00

2006-06-02T01:37:55Z

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places
You're off and away.

You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
You're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there,
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

Oh,
The places you'll go.

You'll be on your way up
You'll be seeing great sights
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin,
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

No.
That's not for you.

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy.

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame. You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes. You will, indeed
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you'll move mountains.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-05-31T14:53:00

2006-05-31T21:56:47Z

I had a really good heart-to-heart conversation with Camille today and it made me really relieved. It was so nice randomly getting into a deep conversation in the back of Mrs. K's classroom because she's a person I trust, and I know she doesn't judge me and I don't judge her. I love you Cami.

Besides that there is only 7 more days till Austin comes back home and I can't wait.

Oh, and for future reference to anyone. Don't talk about anything negetive regarding the love of my life because I'll pretty much snap and yell at you in the middle of class even if you sit on the completely other end of the classroom. I learned that about myself today...

omg_its_tori @ 2006-05-22T08:51:00

2006-05-22T15:56:14Z

summer/senior goals/events:

SAT II on june 3rd
austin coming on june 8th
rissy coming at the beginning of summer as well
grand opening of Sacred Gypsy in Bako
summer basketball through july
my birthday july 3rd
volunteering
begin admissions essays
out to ATL in august
retake SATs if necessary
apply to UCI, San Diego State, Long Beach State, UCRiverside, UC Santa Cruz, etc.
get into fucking UCI
reuniting with austin and rissy for good
peace out on Santa Maria and start loving life again...

omg_its_tori @ 2006-05-19T17:39:00

2006-05-20T00:44:44Z

I miss my boyfriend terribly. I seriously just got into the most depressed mood ever. I want everything back to normal. Thank God I get to pick up his cute self from the airport in about 20 days. My life consists of countdowns now. I'm not really happy with the present anymore I'm just always looking forward to something in the future. I guess that keeps me going but it get's pretty hard.
I'm sick of people coming up to me all the time asking me if we're still together, and then seeing the surprised "wtf" reaction on their face after I tell them "yes". I'm tired of everyone saying "dude he could be cheating on you as we speak", "you're willing to be in such a long distance relationship?", and "that's probably the worst thing ever...no offense." It makes me sick to my stomach when people talk to me like that. I found something so perfect and it was taken away from me, almost for good. Sometimes I seriously just want to throw up that he was about to end it in March. It really makes me hate myself.
Despite all the negetives that make up my life, I'm really happy that we're together. It gives me something to look forward too, even though I never know when I'm going to see him next.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-05-13T09:39:00

2006-05-13T16:39:24Z

life's hard.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-05-03T17:08:00

2006-05-04T00:09:54Z

Hey best friend, I love you.
And remember when this picture was taken and it took us forever to find that stupid church, and you spit in whats-her-faces hair. And we danced all up on each other to Max's band. We're hot.

p.s. thanks ashley for sending me that picture. even though I cut everyone out for this haha.

Dear LiveJournal, please let me vent...

2006-04-16T02:14:36Z

I spent a lot of my day thinking today. I woke up and finished The Perks of Being A Wallflower, and it totally gave me a new perspective on life. If you read it, maybe you'll think differently, but at certain parts I could related to the main character. In the past year I have lost 3 main people in my life, and at times I feel really depressed because I don't have a lot of close friends in this town anymore. I'm the home-body. I don't like to party, I don't like to hang out in big groups, I'm really nice I guess but I just don't like to be involved in huge social scenes.
My big brother, my best friend, Eric Ventura was sent away due to a problem that he needed help with. He called me today and I swear I have never been happier in my life. The last time I talked to him was about maybe 3 months ago. It felt so good to hear his voice. He is doing so much better now and finally he has joy when he speaks to me. I tried to tell him what's been going on, but in all reality, not a lot has been going on with me. I'm going to look after him, I love him, he's part of my family. Come home to me Eric.

My boyfriend left me in March and moved to Georgia. Visiting him was one of the best vacations I have ever made. He is so sweet and I can't imagine being without him. I cannot wait till he comes home this summer and we can spend even more time together. Yes, we've decided to maintain a long distance relationship across the country. A lot of people have told me that I'm only sixteen and that I don't know what I'm doing, but trust me, we know exactly what we're doing. We're going to make it, despite what you think. What we have is different and it's original. For once in my life, I can be myself. I can fuck around and he doesn't care. We act like we're 5 years old. We finish each other's sentences, I'm totally not even kidding. The whole entire trip, finishing each others' sentences and saying "I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT WHAT THE HELL." His mom says we're two peas in a pod. We're so cute it's disgusting ;]. Come home to me Austin.

Big sister. Best friend. Sing-a-long partner. Apple of my god damn eye. Marisa Silva. We might as well be joined at the hip. She is the funniest girl I have ever met and we're too much a like, but that's a good thing. She moved to Irvine to go to school in August and my life honestly changed dramatically. From hanging out with my best friend every freakin' day to coming home and being bored. We spent the entire summer driving up and down the central coast fucking around and singing our hearts out. Not even speaking to each other during our drives, just singing and knowing that that was enough. I miss her everyday of my life and probably talk to her everyday. We tell each other the most random stuff and we have coordinated dance moves to every NFG song out there, it's a sight to be witnessed. Rissy, I want you to know that I love you and you'll always be my bestest friend. Thank you for taking me under your wing even though I was 2 years younger than you. We're the sweetest of the sweet, the cutest of the cute, we're the ultimate. Don't forget that. I'M COMING TO YOU SOON!

I don't care if no one reads this. It felt good. My depression has lifted. And the only thing that keeps me going is that one day soon I will be able to see you all again. I love you three with all my heart and I'd do anything for all of you. I miss you...

omg_its_tori @ 2006-04-09T12:14:00

2006-04-09T19:19:15Z

You probably won't read this but I want you to know that last week was one of the best weeks of my life. You are amazing and there is no one I would have rather spent those days with. You're the sweetest boy I have ever met and you treat me like a princess. You made me feel better when I was about to cry because of the storm and you held me close when stupid boys stared at me. You sang along with me to counting crows and took me out to dinner. You never stopped making me laugh and I couldn't help but smile when I was with you. Leaving you for the second time was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know I will see you during summer and that's what keeps me going. You're my best friend, my boyfriend, my one and only, and I woulndn't change it for the world.

omg_its_tori @ 2006-04-01T10:43:00

2006-04-01T18:43:40Z

I'll see you Tuesday, sweetheart ♥

omg_its_tori @ 2006-03-15T17:53:00

2006-03-16T01:54:46Z

i'm flying out to atlanta in about 20 days to see the only boy i love
i'm fucking stoked

omg_its_tori @ 2006-03-06T07:09:00

2006-03-06T15:10:51Z

I don't want to be here.
I'm sick of santa maria and I'm sick of losing the only real friends I have.
I don't want to leave my house and go to school right now.
I'm sick to my stomach and I can't eat.
I got at the most maybe 4 hours of sleep last night and I can't function.
Apparently I talked to Austin on the phone last night but I don't recall a single word he or I said...which bugs the crap out of me.
How am I supposed to go to school and look directly across from my locker and realize that I don't have to wait for him to go to 1st period anymore.
I can't handle this. I'm going insane. I need to be hospitalized or something.